Recently, my host family and I went back to a finca where some of their cousins live. (A Finca is essentially a Colombian mountain farm.) The first time we had gone to the finca was in October, and it had been an intensely uncomfortable experience for me. I had only been in Colombia for less than two months and everything was still super unfamiliar and uncomfortable, even if I refused to admit it back then. In the finca, Colombian culture is far more traditional and intense. In many ways, it's almost like stepping back in time- less technology, one-room living spaces, cooking over the fire, dirt roads, miles away from the nearest town... and it goes on. The first time I went there, the loudness of the family reuniting, the heat, the less-advanced living conditions, and the sheer Colombian-ness of it all shocked me and I could not wait to get out of there.
Thus, returning I was obviously quite nervous- what would it be like this time? Would I still be the silent little girl, timid and scared of everything? Would the mosquitos and heat and noise drive me away again? Turns out, no. This time, I had a great time. I talked and got to know my host cousins, I stayed up with everyone dancing until 5 AM, and the heat didn't bother me at all. I embraced all the traditional Colombian culture around me. (I even witnessed a boy asking my host uncle's permission to date his daughter... it's VERY traditional there).
So why is it that the first time I was so uncomfortable, and this time I had such a fantastic experience? Well, I think it's a significant marker of how far I have come in these five months between the two visits. I'm so much more comfortable with doing things that make me uncomfortable. I'm used to Colombian culture. My Spanish is better, making it easier for me to integrate myself. I can "rough it" in the middle of nowhere and have a great time. Mosquito bites don't faze me anymore, and neither do invitations to dance salsa at 3 AM. Juxtaposing these two very different experiences that I have had in the same place really made me realize how far I have come. I can honestly say that I'm proud of myself. I've grown so much, and leaving my comfort zone has been so worth it, in every way.
There's this quote I love, it says "One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time"
For a long time, it felt like I was stuck in the middle of the ocean, floundering. And I'm still out in the middle of the ocean, that hasn't changed. But I'm no longer floundering. In fact, there's no other place I'd rather be. I've gotten comfortable with not being able to see the shore, and that, I think, is awesome. Maybe that's what exchange has been all about for me.
I'm grateful to have had the experience of going to the finca again, not only because it was a great time, but because it helped show me how far I've come, and wow, I sure have come pretty far :-)
The Finca's kitchen:
