The Final Stretch

The end is near. No, not the apocalypse- the end of exchange, which for some, might seem just as grave ;). As for myself, I don't know how to feel. My whole exchange, I've felt like it would never end, that there was always more time- until now. Now, there isn't more time. I'm leaving in a week, and that realization has hit me like a ton of bricks. For a while, I thought I was ready to leave, I thought that nothing would be better than seeing my friends and family again, and eating American food again. But now, I'm not so sure. Suddenly, with my departure date ever nearing, everything seems to become all fuzzy and uncertain. I don't know where time has gone, and I don't understand how today's date approached so quickly. Sometimes, when I try to think back to what I've done this year, my mind just draws a blank. A part of me feels like it didn't even happen, though I have thousands of photos and a Spanish vocabulary to prove it.

So what's up with this? I didn't feel this strange a week ago, even though I knew I would return home soon. In fact, a week ago, I felt pretty okay with everything. But then, I went to Medellin (which is amazing, by the way), and I fell in love all over again with Colombia. That trip reminded me of everything I love about this country: its natural beauty, its loving people, and its culture and history that at times seem to defy the imagination.

And suddenly, I wasn't so sure about going back home. I wasn't so sure about anything anymore. Do I really want to leave all this behind? What will it be like to go back to a place where the streets aren't always filled with people, and where you can't always hear Jessi Uribe playing from one radio or another?

Well, the answer is, I don't know. I don't know what it will be like to go back home, and I don't know if I really want to. And that's okay: this time in exchange is one of great uncertainty, one of goodbyes and tears, of mixed emotions, of excitement and sadness. I knew this time would come, but it always seemed so far away. And now that it's not, I realize that, out of the entire rollercoaster of emotions that exchange brings, this point might just be the highest up and the lowest down of them all, and both at the same time.

I really can't imagine going home in some ways: I see my old friend groups posting on instagram and feel so distant from them, from that reality that was once mine. And then I look back at photos and remember the things I miss so much from that far away place... and then I see more photos of things I will miss about Colombia, and the people who I love here. I feel like a totally different person now, and at the same time like I'm the same Sierra who left Indiana. How can this be? How can I have so many opposing feelings?!

In the end, I think that this is all a part of the learning experience that is exchange. It's crazy and weird and full of feelings and experiences that I don't quite understand- but it's beautiful. I know that going home will be hard, but all I can do is embrace that. Whether I want to leave or not, I have to leave- it's part of the deal, part of what I signed up for. I know that going home, I will learn even more about myself and about the world. It'll be interesting, strange, and most of all, a growing experience- just like the rest of my exchange has been. Thus, I will go forth bravely into the unknown- again- and approach this new territory of homecoming with an open mind of love and curiosity. Who knows what I will learn along the way.

A picture of myself admiring the views along the route to Medellin: